This is part three of a three part series. Read part one, part two.
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What Makes a Great Personal Statement? (Part 3 of 3)
We’ll continue evaluating our personal statement from part two and show you how to turn an average essay into an excellent one.
Sample Personal Statement:
![Sample Personal Statement](https://cdn.prod.website-files.com/60789a45beb6eb469601750e/62e2fc7952d231057b0dfd77_PersonalStatement.png)
The sample essay has now been revised and edited below. Our editors refine your essay so that the original voice remains and it is ready-to-submit after we return it to you. It is extremely important that your personal statement describes the same person that you convey during your interview.
A concise thesis statement is added to the sample essay in order to improve the essay’s overall organization and flow. The applicant does a nice job of addressing his changed study habits without detracting from the rest of the essay. The reasons for wanting to become a dentist are portrayed throughout the essay while the applicant sheds insight on his background and personality. Some of the original word choice and language are changed to create a more concise essay.
Revised Personal Statement:
![Revised Personal Statement](https://cdn.prod.website-files.com/60789a45beb6eb469601750e/62e303fe366200fdb3b54b51_revisedstatement-1.png)
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![Hannah Brein, DAT Bootcamp Student](https://cdn.prod.website-files.com/606392a644232d174453ec02/6596f09a2483a3d139be21ea_dat_student.jpg)